my sister just got admitted to the eating disorder ward yesterday. she’s really upset. but she needs to be there. she’s getting the help she needs and I hope she can get better and fully recover and not have to deal with all this shit like I have to. I want her to be okay and better and healthy.
I’m also insanely jealous that she’s getting help and treatment and I never will. I hate it. I’m happy she’s there and getting help, but I hate that I’ve never gotten help and probably never will.
I’m just so conflicted on how to feel. I’ve been on the verge of tears since I woke up because i feel guilty for being jealous with only leads me to use ED to numb that feeling which just makes me more jealous all over again. It’s so fucking fucked up. I can’t function.
and i don’t know how to act/react either. and that just makes me feel stupid. like I have an eating disorder, i should know how to react to someone else who has an eating disorder. but i dont. and it just makes me feel like a fucking idiot.