Desperation

desperation is swallowing a handful of laxatives like normal people swallow candy just because you have to be empty.

Desperation is stuffing yourself filled with a weeks worth of food just to fill the void.

Desperation is shoving your fingers down your throat and forcing all that food back up because you realised you don’t want to fill the void, you need to remain empty.

Desperation is eating a days worth of food over a two week time span.

Desperation is gulping down water by the cup full just so you don’t need to eat to fill yourself.

Desperation is swallowing any form of caffeine you come in contact with so you can have enough energy to keep your mind busy from how empty you are.

Desperation is crying while looking into the fridge or cabinet because you can’t allow yourself to eat any of it. 

Desperation is hiding and storing away food because you can’t bring yourself to eat it now, but you might be able to one day. 

Desperation is this life I am forced to live. 

Desperation is doing anything to get out of your mind for a little while.

Desperation is doing anything to stop yourself from remembering. 

I don’t want to remember a damn thing.

One thought on “Desperation

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