unsafe and selfish

I feel selfish. For wanting to tear my hair out. and rip my skin off. and bruise and break this body. I have to put my mental state and my mental break down on hold because the family can’t handle more than one thing going on at once and because mine is mental it’s selfish. Like I can choose to let this happen to me or not. I want to. explode. implode. burn. break. bruise. cut. destroy. this body of mine. I want to tear down the world as I know it. I want it to be no more. I want to be alone in a little white room with a little plastic bracelet with a little cup with little pills in it. I want to be safe. That’s the only place I can be safe. From the world. From my life. From my family. From myself. I’m just selfish for wanting to feel safe.